Fulfilment
by redcognito
Summary: Faye contemplates her past and future.


Disclaimers: The Secret Circle and all characters in this fic belong to LJS.

Notes: LJSanta fic for Diana, 2005.

--

The sea was dark and tumultuous, its stormy waves crashing on the shore. Faye walked across the beach, past the remains of the ceremonial Yule bonfire from a few nights before. It had been a good celebration, even though she'd not been able to join in with as much energy as she'd normally like.

The wind whipped around her, pulling strands of hair loose from the silk scarf she wearing. Tucking them back in as best she could, she finally stopped at the shore to stare out over the water. With its turbulent waves the sea seemed to reflect the state her life had been for the past few months; though now the chaos caused by those events seemed to have settled, allowing Faye to finally breathe again.

It had all started back in May, with the Circle's Beltane ritual. Everyone had been keyed up, affected by the joy and wild abandon of their celebrations. Faye had been caught up in her passion, and her desires, yet watching Cassie and Adam in each other's arms had sparked something else within her; loneliness.

Nick, it seem, was feeling much the same, and the pair of them had flirted, indulging in brief touches and not-quite chaste kisses, skating a fine line between restraint and giving in to wanton lust. Self-control had won out for the moment, and as the celebrations wound down, they each departed to the solitude of their own homes.

Faye indulged herself with drink that night, wishing that the burning alcohol would do more than burn her throat with its warmth, that it would envelope her entire body and wipe away her lonesome thoughts and feelings. She could have any man she wanted worship at her feet, but at that moment the prospect seemed hollow. She wanted companionship, to feel needed, to be understood. She'd get none of those things from a stranger; he would worship her body, but not her soul. She'd gone to her empty bed in the hopes that sleep would wipe away her melancholy thoughts, and her fiery self esteem would be back in the morning.

It was past three in the morning when the banging began on the door. Ignoring it did no good, and Faye had finally gone to give whoever it was a tongue lashing and instructions to go to hell. Words died on her lips when the open door revealed Nick, looking as sorry for himself as she had been. He had been drowning his loneliness too, and with the effects of alcohol fuelling his courage, he'd chosen to do something about it, and marched on over to Faye's, though to do what, he wasn't entirely sure.

It was a mistake, a part of her knew, but at that point she couldn't bring herself to care, and welcomed Nick in with open arms and warm, passionate kisses. They made love that night, exploring each other between Faye's sheets, filling the other's desperate need for companionship.

When the morning came, Faye had been relieved to find Nick gone and her bed empty once more. She was unsure how she should face Nick, worried that things would be strained and awkward between them, that the rest of the group would sense this and discover what they had done. She avoided him for a few days, only to discover she needn't have worried. An exchanged glance, and by unspoken agreement they came to an understanding. It was what it was; a night of glorious passion to always be treasured, and never to be repeated or spoken of again.

Faye paid it no more heed beyond reflecting on fond memories, until her world shattered two months later with a small positive sign on the pregnancy test she'd bought in secret from the internet. In her opinion, positive was not what this situation was. She hid in her room for a few days, claiming illness whenever anyone enquired after her. Between the very sheets that had gotten her into this mess in the first place, she'd passed through hysterics and overwhelming fear, and begun considering her options.

Abortion seemed the obvious choice, but she couldn't bring herself to really consider it. The inhabitants of Crowhaven Road had experienced far too many losses, and to wilfully terminate another life bordered on sacrilege in Faye's eyes. She was damned if she was going to give it up for adoption, either. She'd always vowed that if she had children, they'd be raised aware of their heritage and powers as witches. The Coven's own parents had made the mistake of hiding it from them, and that had only gotten everyone into trouble. The next generation wouldn't suffer the same misfortune.

So, it was decided. She would keep the baby, become a mother. The concept made her laugh; Faye Chamberlain would be the first Mother of the coven, when they'd all been convinced it would be Cassie, certain that it wouldn't be long before she and Adam would have children. Instead it was Faye, perhaps the least likely candidate for motherhood after Deborah.

Unsure how to tell everyone, she'd kept the news to herself, opting to wait until they all noticed before she confirmed anything. Diana had known almost straight away, though kept it to herself, shooting her cousin frequent, thoughtful looks when she thought Faye wasn't watching. It didn't surprise Faye in the slightest. She wouldn't have been surprised if Diana had begun to suspect she was pregnant before Faye even did herself. Diana was special like that, especially when it came to Faye.

Everyone else began to suspect when her belly became noticeably rounded and she couldn't hide her pregnancy anymore. Everyone seemed both joyful, yet confused, wondering who the father was. Faye wasn't telling, and Doug's joking suggestion that it was the Pizza Man's stuck as favourite theory with everyone until the time Faye saw fit to reveal the real father.

Only Nick suspected the truth in this case. He'd cornered her, asking if he was the father, telling her he'd do the right thing and stand by her. Instead of replying, she'd simply smiled mysteriously at him, and gone about her business. It wasn't that she didn't trust Nick to support her or the child, she just wanted to keep this to herself. She didn't want to share, and though she was carrying Nick's child, she didn't want to commit to him. She wasn't sure she ever wanted to commit to any man, for that matter. It wasn't as if she'd be alone, either. The entire Coven would support her and the baby, she didn't need a husband in the mix as well.

So, here she was, all these months later. She was due to give birth in just over a month, a prospect that filled her with nervous anticipation. It seemed so strange to think that those feelings of loneliness and longing she'd felt at Beltane were finally washed away; not by the company of a man, but with the life that grew within her. Less than a year ago she would have laughed at anyone who'd told her that being a mother would give her such a sense of fulfilment, that it would be a child who would enrich her life.

Staring out over the sea, her hands spread out over her abdomen, gently caressing her swollen belly. Closing her eyes, she concentrated on the life within her, smiling as she felt the tiny heartbeat and the gentle brush of her unborn child sleeping peacefully.

She had no regrets.

Fin.


End file.
